Sean Corcoran

I am flying back from a weekend in NYC where we celebrated the life of one of my friends Isaac after he tragically passed in a motorcycle accident a couple weeks ago.

Isaac lived with an incredible passion for life. He was fearless, a loyal friend, fun, funny, a deep thinker, and much much much more. I, along with many others, will miss him. There were swathes of young beautiful souls that came together this past weekend to celebrate him & discuss how he positively impacted their life. With the formalities wrapping up, I guess all we can do now is maintain the promises made to live each day more fully & deeply as Isaac would have wanted us to.

Admittedly, I am quite afraid of death and it feels the incidence and intensity in which I feel this fear has been increasing with age. Part of that stems from a change in circumstances & values - specifically going from living as a desperado in my early 20s with less of a planned out future to visualizing settling down in the next 5/10 years with my fiancé. Part of it also comes from a continual loss of innocence through being exposed to more tragedy and realizing how little control we humans really have.

It has gotten to the point that it has become a bit mal-adaptive. Especially because the cues that trigger this fear do not seem to match statistical reality. For example, I've become pretty afraid of a plane crash or a terror attack but I am not really afraid of driving on the freeway.

Not having a rock solid belief system around why we're here, the characteristics of God, and what happens when we die doesn't help.

Ultimately, I'd like to get to a point where I have fully accepted death and do not irrationally feel these instinctual fear-based emotional patterns. It is quite odd honestly realizing how strong these feelings have become because I've historically been pretty pro-risk and generally comfortable with danger. I've done a lot of dumb stuff in the name of fun and other things.

Human software is complicated and who knows why this pattern of neural activity has been growing in strength but as I type this up I am becoming more convicted that it has become almost entirely mal-adaptive. It is a parasite zapping energy from experiencing and contributing to the beauty of life. I must transform it into something else. That something is acceptance. It is surrender. Those are just words. Words spoken by many for many years. But if it was about the words we'd all be free. The words are pointers to a shift of neural activity, of consciousness. That shift is the thing I mean. Maintaining it will require daily practice.

I chart the path forward for my life without fear, I reduce risk where it rationally makes sense, and I accept that I might die along the way (if I don't die along the way I die at the end anywho).

Isaac intuitively lived this way and the resolution I am finding for myself here is definitely inspired by him being on my mind lately and reflecting on how he moved throughout the world.

While he has left this realm physically, he is still here through the hundreds/thousands who knew him. In a very literal sense, a piece of him lives within us - we've had interactions with him that have imprinted patterns of neural activity changing how we interact with the world & with others. For example, he just helped me make real progress on my fear of death which is beautiful.

I will try my best to put those imprints to good use, using them to serve others and build a better life for myself. Thank you for being you and sharing your gifts with us, they will live on. Rest easy Isaac ❤️